& Commentary

About

I’ve gone to Africa on accident. It is hot there. It is hotter in Georgia. I lived in Japan for two-and-a-half years. The garbage trucks there are purple, and when they back up they play It’s a Small World. Bahrain is where Saudis go to sin. They are bad at sinning. Alaska is beautiful in the summertime. The mosquito is the state bird. Bring lots of DEET. If you end up in Amsterdam during Easter, everything will be closed. Irish bars look the same and serve the same stuff all over the world. If you are on a boat at night in the middle of the Persian Gulf, the water around you will look like a giant broken glowstick. If you go to a desert in the Middle East, look out for solifugae, they are gigantic spiders that run 15 miles-an-hour and eat scorpions. They are grisly and good to have around—like that friend you don’t tell anybody about. I’ve been to seven bars in L.A., every time I heard the same conversation. When I go back, I won’t listen so carefully. If a director has a foreign accent, it doesn’t mean he’s talented. If an actress did soft-core porn, it doesn’t mean she’s not. Accolades are great, but remember Pat Morita got an Oscar Nomination for karate kid. Timing is everything.